My Story

Hi, I’m Amanda, founder of New Life After Trauma.

Like most humans, I experienced trauma and carried all the baggage that came along with it for years afterwards. Believed that's who I was for the longest time. Thought it was the only choice I had. Hated myself. Used alcohol to numb. Attempted suicide. Sought out therapy. Sat in depression and loneliness for years. Riddled with anxiety. Tried a variety of anti-depressants. Tried to find myself in work. Existed under a cloud of fear and terror. Listened to internal stories on repeat of how I was a terrible person, would never amount to anything, hurt people with my actions, was lazy, did everything wrong, hated my body, was terrified of the world. There seemed to be no escape from the incessant chatter and worry.

I eventually discovered yoga and found some solace. Became an instructor but didn't teach for a few years due to anxiety and low self-confidence. Got a coaching certification, knowing deep down I wanted to help people like me. All along still drinking on and off, not knowing how to stop because the underlying pain and fear that never fully went away was just too much to bear sober.

Had my first panic attack without knowing what it was. Thought I was dying, felt like a near-death experience. One of the scariest moments of my life. It opened me up in ways I was not prepared for. I quit drinking for good. I started my journey with panic attacks and deep terror of living in a body I couldn't trust. Became terrified of death, which led me to discover I was actually terrified of living. Thus began the journey inward, unburdening myself of who I thought I was to reveal the being that I am. The same being that everyone and everything is.

I was driven to seek out books, podcasts, teachers, techniques and tools, all drawing me closer to the truth I didn’t realize I was looking for. Still seeking outside of myself. However, they were all helpful to point to the ultimate truth that can only be felt within. I shed identities and stories I didn't realize I had created. I started to feel safe in my body and in the world. My nervous system relaxed. The panic attacks stopped. I experienced moments of peace and clarity. I began to accept more than resist. The thoughts slowed and I started to not believe them anymore. I created space and moments of silence throughout the day. I sat in meditation. I had a feeling I was being guided all along, but the skeptical part of me had a hard time trusting without hard proof.

What changed the game for me was when I began to question who I am. I realized this separate self I had created my whole life, that we all create, is not who "I" am. It is a part of being human, to identify as a separate self, personality, ego, body, mind, etc. The more I accepted my humanity for what it is, gently let go of the trying, fearful, controlling nature of the self, and surrendered to the loving support that was around and within all along, the infinite nature of what I am began to shine through. The infinite being that is everything, everyone and prior to all. "It" is here now, always available to guide, to hold, to love.

Now the only "work" is to compassionately remember what I am when I forget and get caught up in identifying with the separate, imagined self - a natural human tendency. Each time I remember what I am, the deepest, most intimate connection can be felt - pure love. A love for all parts of myself, no matter how they are showing up at any given time, a love that understands and knows everything about me intimately, and a love that extends the same to everything and everyone else. A well so infinitely deep, beyond what the human mind can grasp. When we step into this state of being, we feel what has always been the truth. This state is always available, no becoming, no trying, no work necessary. We are always being invited to feel it.

That is what I feel called to help other women remember. To hold the truth for women tired of searching and trying so hard. To hold a loving presence for you to rest and put down whatever you are carrying. To either be seen, heard and held within a free Space of Love session, or to dive a little deeper within coaching sessions and discover what may be blocking you from feeling and remembering what you are.

If this resonates within you, I would feel honored to hold space for you. And I already love you because you are me and I am you.

With love,

Amanda